gather together

Each week we pick a night to worship together and read the Bible. The boys (and the daddy) play their guitars with me as we sing "Jesus Loves Me" (the ALL TIME favourite), and then they put down their instruments so that they can sing the remaining songs with me.

After a worship time we read out of the Bible, this year we are learning more about the fruits of the spirit. January is the Love month, we learn about how God loves, how we need to love and pray that God would help us love. Both B and I have felt God leading us to seek the fruits of the spirit much more seriously. The boys love learning about the fruits. These are sweet times we get to spend together.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against which there is no law.
Galatians 5:22-23

my gypsy blood- always embrace, never forget

Every several months I begin to miss part of my heart, which is found somewhere in Spain. Every couple months I feel like half of me is not where I am. I know that my life is full, and complete, but my youth, my memories of growing up will never be from here...they are always from over there. If you have not gone through this it is hard, but really not that hard at the same time...therefore it causes you to not really do anything about it, and so it goes on...year after year, every several months.
I have grown up now, and traveled back to Spain
with my American family I have changed, and Spain has changed too. My memories have passed, and when I went back I was hoping they would still be living somewhere there for me to find them. They were not. They are not. We all have memories from growing up, but when we are cut from them and move on- it is hard to understand fully how and why they are not continuous. They are faded and embellished in your mind, and so pretty inaccurate. The memories I have of Spain that I think about are gone, they are old, they are in pictures and thoughts that I can share with those who lived them with me. But I have grown up and no longer live there, even though part of me still
lives in the memory of my Spanish youth.
Even though it is not much to bear, it is a longing for something that is not possible. Every once in a while I will dream we move our family over there and Brad works for some company in Spain. This dream is pretty while I sleep, and at first when I am waking up...but it gets more sour as I sit there, because it is me wanting to live in the place of my youth when both the place and my youth have changed and no longer exist in that same form. I could go back and make new memories, but then I'd have fragments everywhere. I could stay and remember the fragments I've left in different places and not want to do so anymore...but then how would I live, for that is who I am. I am a fragment of different nations, of different peoples, of different languages and passions and ideas, I am a formation of all these into one- and without one of them I would then, truly be a fragment and not a whole. I have gypsy blood in me, it is always moving, always embracing and always a little tiny bit sad because of the places it has left and the people it will never forget.

PS- it hasn't helped that I subscribed to a feed from flickr in which I get all the pictures uploaded that are tagged "Spain" it is amazing...I get hundreds every day. Look at the Photos from everyone tagged spain

love, love me do!

a little late for v-day...but here's to love!

Love is not the feeling you get when the sun shines and everything is going well, nor is it the red and pink flirtation of V-day. Love is knowing that your friend will always be honest with you and that you are treasured. It means that when you make mistakes, don't dress right, don't say the right thing, don't act nice, don't talk when you should have, don't give when you could have....that person will be there and will keep coming back for more.

Love is giving in when you really know you are right, choosing to smile when habits annoy and quirks are getting to ya, giving up things that you really didn't need anyway (even though you thought you did), always thinking about the best for that person whether or not it means you will always tell them what they want to hear.

It means giving of yourself, it means trusting and letting go of past hurts and grudges. it means being vulnerable even though you will get hurt. It means being gentle even when you want to scream out horrid words, it means not being offended when you have every reason to be.
Love is tattered and broken and always beautiful, love is strong and vulnerable at the same time, love cries with you when you are sad and is joyful when you are happy.
Love is not ditching, not giving up, not looking around to see where your needs could be better met. When things get tough love does not look elsewhere.

Love spoke one of it's loudest, clearest lessons to me in an old man and woman as they came into a store. she could not walk, he could not hear, their skin was wrinkled and old, she had a walker and he helped her along. Love is their commitment of 75 years through miscarriage,their children's weddings, and any type of difficult time you could imagine. Love is the way their eyes still twinkle when they see each other, the way he dances around her walker, the way he tenderly holds her hand and guides her. See, love is what happens when you are done putting yourself first and you are ready to care for someone else.

Love will always exist, not because it is easy,but because everyone needs to be loved, and everyone needs to love.