08 December, 2006

mamma mia!

my life is getting better and better and yet many times i feel that i am treading water. raising two boys is a intense thing, but so worth it. my little O wakes up at night again due to who knows what exactly, i blame teething, a cold, being poopy or not being able to poop, over stimulation and much more. J is having nightmares that he can describe and he is waking up at night too( saying: " a black dream bit me on the head!" and other such craziness). therefore i wake too.
days are similarly nuts, but oh so enjoyable.
i feel like i am constantly giving, feeding, and helping and not too much getting and receiving. sometimes
this makes me feel tired, alone and distant, but really it shouldn't. there are many who are out there doing much more and giving much more. that can make me feel tired, alone and distant, but really it shouldn't. all of us [should] give what we are required to give, what we are asked to give and what we are called to give.we are not asked to give what anyone else is asked to give or compare ourselves to them. all i have to concern myself with is: am i giving exactly what i am supposed to? i am not asked to give too much (trying to do it all myself, just to be prideful and be super-crazy-mamma-martyr-woman), and not less (spending my time concentrating on things of no importance).

there are different seasons as well, seasons in which i need to give more and seasons in which i get more. i can feel guilty or grouchy about neither because i know that in all i have, in all i do, in all that i share i am completely blessed beyond my understanding.

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