04 December, 2008

Are you done?

"Are you done?" That question for a long time has been a loaded one here at the bungaree place. B looks at me, I smile and look at him and whoever is asking it is trying to figure out what exactly the inside joke is. Yes, I am referring to the question, " Are you done?" as in "are you done having children?". It has been one of controversy...but no more, at least not for now.

We have been praying about it, thinking about it, talking about it and up until several days ago it was still a debate when brought up. But then something changed, in both of us at the same time and yet separately God was working on us. I recently have been praying for a peace about NOT having more kids and I felt like God gave me that peace, so when it all changed I was a little surprised. The most surprising thing is not that he told me, but that he communicated it clearly to B, as he has been the one who was determined to not have more EVER.

I think it is so funny that whenever we say we will NEVER do that, or this....it almost seems like we have to swallow those words and do it to walk in obedience. I wonder if God uses that as a challenge? haha, I know he doesn't but that has happened so many times!

So what changed? Well we know for sure we are going to have one more, somehow I feel maybe two more....but we are taking this one step at a time! B and I sat on the couch to talk and so I expressed to him that I really just didn't feel right about not having any more, he smiled and admitted that God had been telling him the same. Okay, if you have been around B lately, you KNOW that is a miracle. We both agreed that we couldn't disobey, and that it would only be out of selfishness that we wouldn't have any more. Personally I don't feel thrilled about being pregnant again, or having to go to the doctor every two weeks and have them poke and touch me. I don't want to gain the 50 lbs that I gain with each pregnancy and I don't want my skin to be stretched out like that ever again. Beyond pregnancy I know what it is like to have babies, they cry, they go through teething, they fight sleep by keeping you up all night....but all those things are so selfish. And we are not called to walk in selfishness....ever.

That we can limit his blessing by what we allow into our lives, for us right now it is about kids but there are so many things that fit into this category, is a gift and a curse. We could do that so easily, by not listening and closing our eyes, but are we really done being blessed by God with children? We can ignore, but we'd be missing his best for us.

Disclaimer: This is for us, and only us. God has given this burden to our family and it does not mean it is wrong to have one, two, or ten...this is a personal thing that I wanted to share with you, not some conviction that I feel you should share too.


Alyce said...

I think that is very exciting!

I had an opposite (but similar) experience. I wanted to have many kids, and after we had our first I was not content with just one. After we had our second son I was overwhelmed with contentment and knew that two was enough. I'm sure my husband knew it was from God because I'd been begging for half a dozen kids the whole time we'd been married. It's amazing to watch God work.

mej said...

Thank you for sharing Bethany. I do think that God gives us peace to either have more or to "be done," a question I, too, am frequently asked. :) We wanted to be done at 3. Our doc advised us to pray and wait. And, of course, we're glad we did.

bethany said...

Alyce- I know! Isn't it cool when you have that peace, when you know that things are the way they should be. I am loving it.

Mel- no prob girl! Yes, that peace is a very sweet place to be, a place of satisfaction, and joy. Lovin' it for sure. And yes, I could see why you would be thrilled you didn't quit at three...your chillins are spectacular!

Anonymous said...

This is something, I have never read about. This thing incidentally sooo timely! I know it sounds strange... but him and me have discussed this... and we don't know when is the time to have our baby! We are getting married on 1st of Jan!
Here, parents always have a say in every matter, and mom has made it clear that we have our baby immediately! Which I don't want! i mean, I want our baby to come when I am ready for "it", when we are ready for "it"!
I feel so nervous... so nervous! i can't tell you! I pray to God, for a normal baby... everything normal! He loves kids...

After reading, this post... I k\now feel, i can stop worrying.. HE knows.. my questions, and will take time to bless with answers..i feel good now, not afraid, but little nervous.

Thanks Bethany! You know you are so cool... thanks a lot for sharing this..
now i want to just listen to HIM giving me our answers!

Ellyn Canfield said...


I mean, I would have been happy either way, but, YAY!

a very happy aunty

P.S. Maybe we could have some more close in age then! I can't believe I just wrote that.

tricia said...

good post bethany. it all comes down to trusting Him, doesn't it?

ps - you may not like being pregnant, but you are one super cute preggo-girl. :-)

MamaP said...

That's great that not only you guys are having more, because your kids are pretty cool, but that God did a work in both of you. I know, NEVER say never. I've learned that one a few times around ;)

Ramya said...

Thanks for sharing this Bethany!:) and congrats on reaching a decision.. I cam imagine how tough that would be..:) Good luck! and you are such a wonderful mom that I can actually picture seeing with many more darlings around you!:)

Corinne said...

How TIMELY!! My husband and I are going through this very discussion!! I wrote a post about this a while back and now our hearts are being softened to be ready to NOT be finished with three. It's terrifying and wonderful at the same time. I have to tell you that I really respect your relationship with your husband and with God. I feel like this decision is one best made between a two spouses and God. Best of luck to you friend!